We've Headed for Home...

After 50 days, 5392.3 miles, and 15 states we turned for home this afternoon from Wells, Nevada onto Westbound I-80.  I don't think anybody is going to award us a million dollars for this heroic feat but we've had a great time.  We're both alive and mostly well and consider this a not too shabby achievement considering the close quarters and stubborness of some of the residents of said quarters....

We've celebrated birthdays, weddings and anniversaries.  We've survived abandonment in the Yukon, a dog sled ride, too much cruise food, and lots of cut-throat domino competition.  We've stood in awe at the beauty nature and bowed our heads in reverence in the space of the Edward Murrow Building footprint.  Honestly, we thought we'd seen it all, done it all, experienced it all but nothing prepared us for the current risk to life and limb that is our new neighbors in the RV Park we currently occupy:

CARNIES!

We want to extend our deepest appreciation for those of you who have faithfully followed our silliness as we rolled down this road of life.  It brings us great joy to know that we have you along for the ride. So until next time - and you know there will be one - keep having fun!

Sympathy, Support and Total Devotion...

For those of you who read the blog regularly, you will immediately recognize that this is being written by a guest author.  An author that knows, and can write about facts as they actually occurred.

What brought us to this point you ask?  Well, here we go.  Barry comes down with some kind of rare buffalo virus, goes to bed, says go away, and 24 hours later is up and runnin’ again.  Turns out that buffalo virus is contagious, so as to be expected, Beth catches it as Barry throws it.  Now one would think that a little sleep is the prescription.  Well, not exactly. 

Beth starts out with a few minutes of “I don’t feel good”, followed by a round of vomiting that lasts, well……FOREVER.  Now the actual contents of her internal system are gone within a few minutes.  Gone is not exactly factual unless you count washing the largest bowl we own and doing a little laundry (jammies and three towels.)  I think you get the picture.  Ready for sleep, Barry thinks.  Oh no, now the dry heaves begin and, well…. LAST ALL NIGHT! 

It wouldn’t have been too bad, if Barry didn’t have to keep an eye out for the local cops.  He was sure half the park would have called to report a cat being strangled to death.

This morning Wick and Gwen took off to do a little animal watching, while Beth and Barry let the healing begin. 

Buffalo and Bears and Wolves, Oh My!

Wow!  We have had a day!  Up at the crack of 9:30 and off to fish the West end of the Madison.  Wick and Beth got to dueling over a particularly prime hole with an apparently mildly disabled trout in it!  I'm telling you that fish just kept biting!  Uh, noooooo, neither one of us ever landed him and no, I don't really care to discuss how "disabled" that may make us.

Wick attempting to steal MY fish...

After a delicious lunch in camp we headed out to the Mammoth-Gardner area in search of a 4-wheeling adventure for Barry.  All of the eligible roads were closed due to rain so I guess it means that adventure is still on the agenda.  We did make it out to the North Gate of the park up by Gardner, WY and found the Rocky Mountain Big Horn Sheep - loads and loads of them in fact.  One poor female even had 4! count 'em 4! babies.  It was pretty cool.

Due to the seriously disappointing failure to come up with a side road we decided to go back to the Hayden Valley to see what the Wolves and Bears were up to.  So... the maps had to be consulted, ice creams had to be consumed and the men folk had to debate the merits of various routes.

Barry and Wick in serious collaboration....

The route was perfectly selected - the wolves and grizzlies were still in their life and death battle for their kill and we saw beautiful scenery and had an intimate consultation with this wildlife ambassador!               

Stand down folks! Beth is alive.

Thank you for those of you who have called, emailed and texted out of your deep concern for my safety and whereabouts.  I am alive.  I was not left at the side of the road.  I'm not even riding as cargo. We do love hearing from you by facebook and email and even text - makes us feel that you all are right here with us so keep those responses coming, please!  Plus, remember, I count on you to keep Barry in check!

We have arrived at the last leg of our trip and are now ensconced at West Yellowstone, MT.  We have been broken down at the side of the road in Spokane, Washington, seen some amazing scenery in Glacier National Park, toured the Wyoming Territorial Prison and are now busily fishing our way through Yellowstone's wonderful trout waters. We always love Yellowstone, particularly when in the company of Wick and Gwen who so dearly love this area as well.

Norris Geyser Area

I'll post photo albums of Alaska and Glacier and post a link for those of you masochistic enough to want to view that kind of travel report but today I have to report on our made to order viewing experience. We spend hours here watching the animals - it really is almost as good a the Discovery Channel or National Geographic Wild. 

Elk

We've seen mating buffalo - they are really, really loud, by the way - grazing herds of elk, and enough antelope to make you want to burst into song, "Oh give me a hooome, where the buffalo roaam.."  Well, you get it, I'm sure.

Today was the absolute pinacle of animal viewing (for the squeamish among you, I suggest skipping this segment) We were headed to the Hayden Valley in Yellowstone and noted that there was a large flock of Raven on the ground out in a meadow.  We stopped for a closer look - yes we've seen Raven - but we also know what they eat -- We hit the jackpot with a bull bison kill down in the scrub at river level.  With a frantic flurry of activity we bailed from the car with our binoculars and spotting scope in tow and raced across the road!  We were rewarded with view of the 8-member Hayden Valley wolf pack on it's kill.  We stood there long enough to gather an incredible crowd and then stood there some more after learning from a passing ranger that they expected a grizzly and her cubs down at the kill around dinner time.  (Now, I didn't ask how they knew - I don't think they have some RSVP system for the wildlife buffet, but who knows...)  Sure enough, right out of thin air (or so it seemed) a mother Grizzly and her two cubs came galloping out of the forest sending the wolves running in all directions.  I gotta tell you it was a sight to behold!

 It was made even better by the United Nations crowd of on-lookers all cooperatively sharing information and excitement in view of this amazing once-in-a-lifetime experiences.  Hard to express that this became as much about the wonderful and enthusiastic response of the folks gathered in awe of the wonder of nature as it was about the animals themselves.  Incredible.

Barry sat in this exact position for hours!

As we headed toward the Tourbus we couldn't help but marvel at the amazing drama we witnessed today and then were treated to one of nature's most magnificant shows:

Stunning. 

Here's a conversation for you....

Background: Stopped in traffic attempting access to I-5 - wrong lane., lots of cars all around.  Barry observes that he's probably going to have to go all the way down and make a uturn in order to get on. I (along with any other right-brained driver on the planet) would have my blinker-thingy on politely signaling my intent to fellow drivers.  I'm fascinated that Barry doesn't and the following conversation ensues.     

Me:  I'm just wondering here - don't mean anything by it - just curious and all (this a necessary lead in for the coming inquiry) - do you have some sort of opposition to the blinker?

 Barry: No. Why?

Me: I can't figure out why you don't put your blinker on to let people know you want over.

Barry: I don't know.

Now, if you're thinking at this point that this is a cause he isnt terribly committed to you'd be wrong...

Beth: You often seem loathe to use your blinker....

Barry: What?

Beth: reluctant.  You're oftenreally reluctant to use your blinker. 

Barry: (Hand now beginning to move toward blinker) What do you mean?

Beth: Well, you just don't seem to like to use you're blinker cause you know, this would be like the perfect time to be letting people know what you'd like to do - so they could let you in.

Barry:  (Hand now making little arcs of indecision between the wheel and the blinker knob) yeah......

Me: (one step further than necessary) well, yeah, they can't know you need over unless you signal your intent...

Barry: (hand now flapping back and forth indecisively and finally lugging firmly on the wheel inan act of unadulterated stubborn left-brainedness) Yeah.

Me: Baahaha ah!!! What? You're saying I'm RIGHT??!

Barry: (Hand now decisively removed from vicinity of the blinker) Yeah.

Me: Oh, hahaha! You admit I'm RIGHT but STILL won't turn it on? BAAHAHAHA!!!

Barry: Yep. You got it. (Blinker now truly and utterly rejected)

Barry at this point has declared that there needs to be clarification of this issue. 

Barry: Well, first of all when you're stopped at a red light with cars as far as you can see - they're all just sitting there not paying attention to anything and if you're sitting there with your blinker on they all think you're just some old fart that forgot he had his blinker on and you're just sitting there blinking and that's just plain RUDE! So, the light turns green and THEN you put your blinker on when you're ready to move!

Me: Bahhahaha!!! It's RUDE to put on a blinker?!

Barry: (with a small but superior shake of the head and possible eye-roll) Fine! It may be funny but it's RIGHT! Some guy behind you has to sit there watching you go blink, blink, blink - you could cause a seizure.

Me:  (but only inside my head) oh, of course, why didn't I think of that....

 Later...much later...in an apparent effort to redeem his acknowledged wrongness on this issue
 

****

Barry: you see, where we diverge on this is at the very beginning (of course we do - how could it be anywhere but the beginning??)  YOU would sit there in traffic going blink, blink, blink thinking it meant, 'excuse me fellow drivers...I need to be over there would you prettypleaseletmein?' But everybody knows what you're really saying is, 'LET ME IN! LET ME IN RIGHT NOW!'

Me: nothing. Just sitting here minding my own business while Barry has deteriorated into a full-scale rant about blinker usage among fellow freeway travelers.....

They don't seem to be listening either....

Mutton Busting and the Dairy Women's Association

DATELINE:  Lynden, WA               August 17, 2011

Alone in Western Washington - recovering from Alaska cruising and looking for something to entertain ourselves, we learned of the much ballyhooed Western Washington District Fair.  All the Sunset SAMs (you do the translation on this group) in camp were present for the express purpose of attending the fair and Loretta Lynn concert. 

Now, frankly, when I think "fair" I think Alameda County Fair which automatically leads you down the path of gang bangers and hoodlums (do I sound adequately old yet) but I got a lesson in small town lifestyle at this event.  I'd say in all truthfulness we've never gotten more entertainment value for 10 bucks anywhere, anytime.

One of my favorite displays was in the hobby building where young and old had set up their "collections" -- in addition to the usual, there were home built Lego displays, smurfs, Barbies, a pencil display, pez dispensers and my personal favorite, a novelty eraser collection! This was fabulous!

We moved onto the animal barns and literally spent hours perusing cows, pigs, sheep, goats, horses, ponies, dogs, cats, chickens ( and oooh the chicken types!) rabbits, guinea pigs, turkeys, and pigeons (not my favorites).

At 6 pm they called everyone to the grandstand for the"Horse Show.". This was led off by Miss Western Washington Rodeo Queen and her court astride their galloping steeds racing the American, Canadian and Washington flags around the field.  We settled in figuring to watch a few minutes of typical 4-H pony stunts when the next thing we knew the arena filled with tiny little teams of perfectly matched ponies, 8 to a team pulling miniature versions of old fashioned delivery wagons - now many of you will recognize that there was both terror and excitement brewing what with Beth's love of all things miniature but fear of midgitry.  Amid much fanfare and applause the little, teeny teams of horses driven by full-size owners (yeah, I agree...opportunity missed) hurtled onto the field and began to race pell mell all over the place.  I'm telling you it was a spectacle! At one point they even got all tangled up and had cowboys had to run onto the field to unwind them from each other. There was no winner declared but those proud little guys worked themselves into quite a lather and pranced off the field like they had conquered the world. 

Well...as if that wasn't enough entertainment, they reopened the gates and out came teams of two, and later four, miniature ponies towing - wait for it - CHARIOTS!! Not kidding - tiny little chariots just pelting around the field at breakneck speeds - hilarious! But, as if this wasn't entertainment enough, they threw open the gates and out pranced the draft horses - huge behemoths in beautifully matched teams and then they began to race around.  All these teams even had sponsors - things like Wilkes Western Wear and Fred's Finery and Pop's Propane and Septic Cleaner.  I'm not kidding folks. 

 

There were many more "acts" that were fabulously entertaining and had us grinning like fools while simultaneously whistling the Andy Griffith Theme but the one that got even Barry reaching for the camera was the Mutton Busting event. Initially I thought I heard the announcer declare that it was time for "Button Busting" and I got tell you the things I was picturing in my confused little brain would have made for a pretty good show but it couldn't have beaten the pure hilarity of watching little bitty, cowboy-hatted kids climb aboard a sheep for a thrill ride lasting only seconds.  Boy by howdy I'd travel a fair piece to see THAT again. 

Mutton Bustin' Video  [click here]

  So readers let me announce here - the house is for sale - I wanna go where the minature ponies roam and the sport of kings is 'mutton busting.'I want to go where the rooster crows in the Poultry Hall and all is apparently right with the world.

 

How Big Do You Suppose That Bear Is?!!?

Otherwise referred to as:

MUSHING CAMP, BEAR SCAT and ABANDONMENT in the YUKON!??!

Alternatively known as:

 HOW OUR DISNEY CRUISE ALMOST ENDED IN SOUTHEAST ALASKA

A sight so beautiful you're sure nothing could be wrong anywhere in the world.
At the glacier in Tracy Arm Fjord aboard the Disney Wonder.

Nothing can compare to cruising Alaska and as long as you follow a few simple rules everything should be just fine...

NOTE TO REGULAR BLOG CUSTOMERS:  SHOULD is the operative word here.  Carefully consider the following ---

With an admiring nod to Jeff Foxworthy would like to submit for your illumination and entertainment the essential ingredients to understanding whether you've chosen the WRONG tour company. 

You Know You've Selected the  Wrong Tour Company If:

• If you book the tour and are instructed to meet in the alley between 2nd and 3rd...you might have selected the wrong tour company.

 

If the bus rounds the corner for pick-up and all the passengers simultaneously exclaim, "whoa, yikes!"...you might have selected the wrong tour company.

If your 'luxury tour vehicle' turns out to be a 1973 Ford van converted to carry 24 passengers...you might have selected the wrong tour company.

If you board your tour vehicle and are immediately re-directed to alternate seating because, "It's been raining for two days and it's we INSIDE"...you might have selected the wrong tour company.

If you look out the window at the scenery and your face comes back WET...you might have selected the wrong tour company

If you inquire about ventilation to clear the dripping, foggy windows and the driver passes back a roll of paper towels...you might have selected the wrong tour company.

If you clear your window with the provided paper product only to discover that you're hurtling up the Yukon Highway on the WRONG side of the road and instantly regret that now you CAN see...you might have selected the wrong tour company.

If 60 minutes into your tour there is a gosh-awful rattling emanating from beneath the vehicle...you might have selected the wrong tour company.

If 68 minutes into the tour the driver announces, "I don't like the sound of that" and finally pulls over to check...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If you discover that the trailing muffler system is responsible for the gosh-awful rattlin...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If the driver's response is, "No problem, we'll just get another bus," and he actually means "we" and 68 more minutes of gosh-awful rattling and a potty stop later you're back on the road in an even worse vehicle...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If when you realize that your driver is now making like Mario Andretti cross-bred with your father in road-trip mode and is racing up the mountain refusing any stops at the previously advertised scenic pullouts...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If when despite the driver's misplaced efforts to make up time you arrive for your 'gourmet' lunch site and discover that they've thoughtfully held your chicken thigh and halved baked potato in the oven for the last 3 hours....you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If when you board the sleds for the mushing adventure and discover the tour company has charged you twice the rate charged by the venue...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If you arrive to pick up the portion of your party that signed up for horseback riding and see them walking down the side of the road leading riderless, saddle-less horses...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If while tearing back down the winding, wilderness byway your driver makes a 'last call for a potty stop' and then ignores the two ladies on board that confirm their rather urgent need by barreling past the last chance pot...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If when you begin to exchange nervous glances among your group in response to the ominous, noisy vibration emanating from beneath the vehicle...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If when the vibration is ended by the gunshot banging, thumping sound of utter destruction and careening toward the narrow shoulder adjacent to hundreds of feet of raw Canadian cliff...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If when the passengers rapidly evacuate their seats to behold that the wheels have quite literally FALLEN OFF THE BUS!...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If when  the driver thinks he might be able to rig the wheel to stay on for the remaining 75 MILES! of winding wilderness highway, despite the fact that all of the wheel studs have sheered completely off the axle and a single lug nut remains forlornly attached...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If when a remarkable sociological study in survival of the fittest ensues resulting in twenty-two competitive hitchhikers along the side of the road in an 'every man for himself' triumph of human conditioning...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

• 
  If when you recognize that 75 miles out in the wilderness with almost no potential of salvation at hand and  you're less than 2 hours until the 'all aboard' whistle of your cruise ship...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

• If when you identify that the humongous piles of poop you are encountering along the roadside as you HIKE down the mountain are bear scat -- BIG, GIANT PILES OF BEAR SCAT!!! to be exact...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If, while you're hitchhiking hopelessly toward the disappointment of cruise ship abandonment and your tour driver goes sailing past you in the comfort of his hitchhiking success...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

If, when you attempt to call for your well-deserved refund they are no longer "home"...you might have chosen the wrong tour company.

******

Due entirely to the graciousness of our new friends from North of the Border and our own courageous willingness at this stage of life to take up hitchhiking, we all managed to be plucked off the side of the road and delivered just in the nick of time to continue our "Wonder"-ful Alaskan adventure. 

I'd like to just offer a single piece of advice:  BOOK WITH THE SHIP!!!

Our kids are now pretty much unanimous in their declaration that we've about used up our nine lives worth of 'Vacation Dispensations' by now.  Vacation Dispensations for those of you not privy to the lingo is how you slip from the jaws of death after engaging in activities, agreeing to tours, or jumping off of things that "you people" are too old for....

The High Plains, Some Drifters and a Few Wild Ponies...

We set off from Green River, Wyoming with a brochure survival guide, a rudimentary map and a "Fistful of Dollars" (well, not really but you can sense a theme here, I'm sure).  We were determined to follow the Wildhorse Trail, described as the habitat of the West's wild horse population.  With just  "A Few  Dollars More.." (not really, but again: Theme!) we trekked into the wilderness trak in our trusty "PaintedWagon - (get it?  Painted Wagon? get it?) and quickly started referring to our transportation as "Dirty Harry" (Ha!) due to the incredible clouds of dust on this road to nowhere.

It was one of those endeavors that made you pretty sure that it would take an act of Congress to meet the objective of seeing Wild Horses (and we all can see how effective Congress is just now...) there were just miles and miles of high desert and we were just a lonely group of "Pale Riders" (c'mon, I'm on a role now and just can't let it go...) trekking where "2 Mules" (downright clever now...) would have served better. 

We did luck out pretty quickly and get to see Pronghorn Antelope (the only American antelope and the star of the famous cowboy tune...."where the deer and the antelope plaaayy")

Antelope: "Playing"

We used "Magnum Force" with our eyeballs and finally spotted definitive proof that we were on the trail of Wild Horses - what Wick refers to as 'Road Apples' - lots and lots of road apples.

Barry became committed to the search and in an "Any which Way You Can" manuever careened off road and onto some kind of pioneer trail out into the sagebrush.  I'm telling you this road was so bad it turned us....you got it, now...."Every Which Way But Loose...."  (I'm just killing myself here....)  Running this particular "Gauntlet" did have a BIG payoff however when we were able to watch an entire herd of wild horses from across a steep canyon.

Rather than facing "Heartbreak Ridge" (I'm just brilliant now...) we were rewarded with an unanticipated sighting of a herd of elk:

I promise - it is Elk - 6 of them.

Although reluctant to make like "Bronco Billy" again "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly" (I'll leave it to you to decide who is who) turned for the campground feeling we had had an extraordinary experience with an American Icon. 

And lest anyone have any doubt at all we were even treated to scenes straight out of "Rawhide" as we made our way:



Yeehaw!  We are having a grand old time here in the Old West. 

Roadside Attraction Attraction...

Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to get a day like today into the blog.  Long time bloggees will remember last year's triumphal visit to Liberal, KS - the Land of Ah's and Oz (see blog archive 2010 for reference.)  Well, Kansas has once again proved itself one of the BEST states EVER!  One of the greatest delights of travel is The Roadside Attraction and nobody, I mean, nobody does roadside attraction like the great state of Kansas!

Barry, fresh off the stunning defeat of a miscreant wasp, was in such a generous mood that I had a record- setting day of Roadside Attraction Attention.

But first, the Saga of the Wasp:

It began innocently enough when we discovered a lone California wasp hitchhiking in our heating vent on the Tourbus.  Now this really was an unauthorized passenger - so the battle was on! Of course, the purchase of wasp spray was discussed (mostly by Beth) and discarded (unilaterally by Barry) in lieu of the much-favored "Big Fat Greek Wedding" methodology - Yep! You guessed it! WINDEX!  There was much yelping and yipping by a very concerned and loving Beth to which Barry responded, "It's not like I'm gonna wrestle a python or something!  Sheesh!"

Luckily, Barry did prevail and Beth wasn't so distracted by her genuine concern for Barry's welfare that she was unable to get to the camera to capture the victorious scene:



Well, as I said, the day just got better and better from there.  As we traveled across the rolling grasslands of Kansas we began to pass big yellow roadside signs declaring -

WORLD'S LARGEST PRAIRIE DOG! WILD ANIMALS! SIX-LEGGED COW! WILD BOAR! RATTLESNAKES! HUGE PRAIRIE DOG TOWN! 

Now I ask you: could you resist?  I say, NO!  Not in a town named after Annie Oaklie with a $700,000 statue of Buffalo Bill at the crossroads! NO! So to Prairie Dog Town we went:

$7.95 for Adults

At this point it was pretty much a 'no eye contact' operation - there was no way we could get through the ticket buying and look each other in the eye and still behave.  Wick wondered aloud whether this was the same place he had talked Mom and Dad into stopping on one of their cross-country jaunts.

Well...it was pretty much all around bad but we did get to see their 300+ animals.  Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, 288 of them were chickens.  We did see and photograph the six-legged cow (kind of disgusting actually) the world's largest prairie dog (cement) and a genuine jack-a-lope (which Beth posed beside surepticiously because it cost $2.95 to have your picture taken on it.)

I don't know how this counts as 6 legs but the cow doesn't seem all that upset...

Ah, once again, a dream fulfilled and wish granted and a happy ending was had by all.

Bye-Bye Folks!