Now I know that some of you may question the validity of
this post but I assure you it is factual and undistorted! A bit of history will be required to bring
all of you fully up to date…
Now, anybody who knows me particularly well knows I love me
a good survival/apocalyptic/end of the world/alien/zombie invasion story and
tonight was the premier of a new USA Channel show about a family trying to
avoid an alien invasion. And, on top of
that, Tom Cruise was nowhere to be found in this cast so it had some actual
potential to be my kind of show. (Those
of you who were subjected to War of the Worlds will understand that completely)
I was so excited but also a little worried because our satellite dish in the
giant tourbus is behaving poorly. I mean check it out it even has some good people in it and everything. Lots of potential.
Thankfully, there was cable hook-up at this fancy RV park
out here in Desert Hot Springs (which apparently does have actual hot springs, by the way) Sure enough, we tune in
all baited breath and high hopes and are greeted by a program that is being
narrated by a nasally male voice describing every minute detail of the action,
stopping only when there is dialogue among the characters. IT EVEN READS THE SIGNS ALONGSIDE THE ROAD IN
THE ACTION!!! This is television for
BLIND PEOPLE!!! Did you even know they had that?!!? And, I have to say here that I feel really,
really sorry for the blind people who have to listen to this crap…just sayin’
I’m yelling now because my program is starting and Barry
starts flipping channels and poking buttons on the remote and now ALL
the channels have the same horrifying voice narrating every nuance of action
and its twenty minutes into the show and we are frantically trying everything
we can think of and suddenly we have closed captioning on our television for
the blind! Like that makes any sense at
all!! We were seeing menus that I didn't even know existed on a television and I certainly didn't have any idea what they were about. Barry and I have turned on each other like a pair of jackals. It became clear that an intervention was urgently needed!
We are bumbling and fumbling around in front of the
television and realize that the only salvation is going to come from a phone
call to Eldest Son who knows all things technology. I’m urging Barry to call him and he’s yelling
back, “No! You call him!” My very clear
response is a “No! You call him!” This
goes back and forth for awhile but doesn’t interrupt the hysterical button pushing
on every remote we can find in the rig (there are a total of three, by the way)
even though nothing seems to change the droning narration overlaid on a now
completely baffling show. Finally, I decide to take the hit and the following conversation by text occurs:
Scott’s final words of wisdom are that we should Google it –
dang! We should have thought of that and
saved ourselves the humiliation. Finally…..closed
captioning off. Narration off. Program
on….it was lousy by the way…really, really bad. Sheesh...
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